So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
