I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
