I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
