dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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