Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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