I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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