last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
