Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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