none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize