on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
