You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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