I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He shit in the fireplace
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
