remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
