Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
