I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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