I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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