my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So much Jack, so little girl.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
