I saw his package. It spoke to me.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
