sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize