All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
