Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am one with the molecules
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
