Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
