I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
