You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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