I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
