alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
nutella sex= disaster
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
