i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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