I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
