I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
