It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
