Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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