I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
