so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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