Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
