there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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