please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
