1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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