You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
