i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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