i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
