i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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