we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
