Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
