We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
