So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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