You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
