There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
