So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
