A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
