I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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