its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
