i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
