nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
