Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
did you just send me my own nude
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
