He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
