Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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