So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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