So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
