HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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