I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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