Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
