I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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