I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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