Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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