Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
